She’s Gone

October 22, 2010 at 2:47 pm | Posted in Love and all that other mushy stuff, The Others | 1 Comment
Tags: death, grandmother, love

She stands up immediately when she sees me.  HEY BABY she says.  She wraps her arms around me, tight.  She grips my arms and pulls me away from her so more of me is within her frame of sight.  I can see more of her in that moment too.  She’s smiling.  She breathes effortlessly. 

She regards me in the way I’ve always been used to… pride, concern, loving, hopeful.  She takes in my light and flicks my dark away in a look.  Everything wrong with me is an opportunity to do something brilliant.  This is how she looks at me.  I roll my eyes. 

She turns away and I follow her through the airport terminal.  I am forced to jog a moment to catch up to her.  She turns her head towards me and a meaningful smirk is lighting up her face.  I’m panting.  She’s carrying all of her luggage.  She’s graceful and agile.  Her heavy bags are not hampering her.  She offers to carry my purse.  She needs me to hurry.  She’s late. 

She hands over her luggage to an uninterested guy behind a counter.  She takes my hand and spins me away and suddenly we are at her gate.  No one else is there.  I offer to help her to her seat.  She scoffs at this as usual.  I’m strangely not distressed.  She’s not tired or sitting or bracing herself for air.  In fact she breathes as if the air around her is inconsequential.   

She tells me that I can’t go any further.  I can’t get on the plane with her.  She says she’s leaving and I’ll see her later.  I know it will be a while; our visits are few and far between.  We have a great distance between us.  She forces a twenty-dollar bill into my hand.  FOR GAS MONEY she says.  I slip it back into her purse as we hug.  She starts to walk away but continually turns around to wave as she goes.  Each time I try to burn the image into my brain.  This is what I do every time we say goodbye at the airport.  Is this the last time?  I stain to record another glimpse.  She turns and waves once more.  I stiffen and breathe in and try to capture every detail at once.  She’s gone.

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Then I was awake suddenly like cold water was thrown in my face.  I smiled with relief.  Then I cried.

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