My New Toy

June 21, 2010 at 12:31 pm | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), In Evan's Words | 1 Comment
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Hi-ee!  Evan here.  This is me and my ball.  Loooove my ball.  I can do anything with it!  I can shoot hoops, knock glasses over and scare the beejesus out of dogs!

Then Dada rolled by with his toy.  Waddup, Dada?  *fist bump*

I wanted to try out his toy so I did what I always do: I took it.  IT. WAS. AWESOME!

Mommy was a little paranoid at first.  “No, MOMMY!  I’m not going to HIT YOUR CAR!  See?  I’m CAREFUL!”

This is very serious work right here. 

What?

This concrete ain’t gonna mow itself, lady!  Outtadaway!

Fine.  One picture.  OKAY?  Can I get on with it now?  SERIOUS WORK GOING ON MOM.

I’m prepared to run you over.

Uh oh.  I’m stuck.  It won’t move anymore.  Make it move, Mommy!

HELP!  MAKE IT MOVE!  For reals!  I wasn’t really going to run you over!  GEESH!  Nooo!  MAKE IT MOVE!!

Stop with the camera already.  This is not a tantrum!  I WASN’T GOING TO RUN YOU OVER REALLY!  HEEEELP!  Waaaaaaaa!

Gosh.  Why do you always distract me with new toys during tantrums calls for help?  This is kinda awesome though.  Can I drive it next?  I could probably use the peddles if I use my tippy toes.

OK.  Enough about me.  Happy Father’s Day, Dada.  I’ll humor you for now and sneak out the keys after you go to bed.

*FIST BUMP*,

Evan

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My Egg Hunt

March 23, 2010 at 3:23 pm | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), In Evan's Words | 1 Comment
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Hi!  I’m Evan. 

Mama’s being lazy and hasn’t told you about the Easter Egg Hunt we went to at Aunt Stephanie’s house so I will.

Mama kept telling me that we were going BYEBYE so I kept running to the bottom of the steps so she could put my SHOOs on.  Then she would say things like NOT YET and HOLD ON and LET MOMMY DO THIS AND THAT and I had no idea what she was talking about.  I opened up the closet to get my CO, but Mama shut it again and told me we’d put my coat on in a minute.

FINALLY Mama put on my SHOOs and CO and we gave DADA kisses and said BYEBYE.  Then we went for a car ride.  I watched the trees go by for a minute and then I took a nap.  When we got there, Mama said, “Yea! We’re here” so I clapped for her.  Inside we went and it was full of people.  I forgot how to wave and say HI so I stared at everyone.  Rudely. 

I was sat down so I could EAT.  Mama let me eat with a plastic big boy fork.  But only one.  I tried to get more but Mama kept saying NO.

Then Mama put on my CO and made me hold onto a big blue bucket.  We went outside and Mama started pointing at all of these bright little BALLs on the ground.  I picked one up and dropped it in my bucket.

 

 Mama started clapping and saying YAY EVAN!  So I kept doing it.

This was VERY SERIOUS work.  There were other kids around and they were PICKING UP MY EGGS.  Mama didn’t understand this and kept bugging me to LOOK AT MOMMY!  This is what I gave her:

LOLz

Anyway.  Everyone went inside and Mama and I sat down to look at all my eggs.  I was so proud.  Mama went to touch one of them and then had the nerve to pick it up.  I don’t know how to say WOMAN YOU BEST PUT THAT THING DOWN so I said something like, “EEEeeehhhhh!”  Mama said it was OK and held it up to me.  OK.  Then SHE BROKE MY EGG IN HALF!

You read that right.

BROKE IT IN HALF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!  Of course I screamed at her.  My face turned red and I was shaking I was so mad.  She tried to give me some crap about BUT THERE’S CANDY INSIDE BLAH BLAH BLAH but I didn’t care of course because she broke this thing I had worked so hard for.  Parents just don’t understand. 

So after I stopped screaming she showed me that I need to break the egg, take the candy and put it in a baggie and then we could fix the egg.  So I did that.  Mama kept tryin’ to meddle in my business but I think I made my dissatisfaction clear when she’d try.

Then it was back outside to get some more eggs.

But Mama was sure to pop my balloon on that.  She kept saying, NO MORE.  So I put on my best innocent pouty face and said, “ALL DONE” and we went back outside right away.

Alas, it was all in vain.  I was pointing this way and that willing her to show me where I could find some more and she kept saying NO MORE.

Then she muttered those awful words: I TOLD YOU SO.  I’ll learn what that means some day.

BYEBYE,

Evan

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