He didn’t get this crap from me, that’s for sure.

July 7, 2009 at 11:26 am | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan) | Leave a comment

Baby Weight?  Baby Weight?  I can feel that weight on my shoulders right now and it sure as shit ain’t no bitty baby

That’s a short PERSON up there.

A baby does not have such strong opinions.  It won’t yell at you if it’s pissed.  And it will not be sneaky so it won’t get in trouble.

Evan, my kid, is now a person.  Let me give you a run down of his non-baby behaviour.

  • If he is crawling towards something he is not supposed to be playing with and you say, “EVAN!”, he will crawl FASTER towards said object.
  • He’s not going to nap just because ‘you want him to’ or he’s ‘tired’ or anything.  “Screw you lady I’m not tired, I’m rubbing the ever-loving-shit out of my face because it itches!”
  • Speaking of sleeping… he’s getting awfully picky about HOW he sleeps.  (Doesn’t sound like anyone I know *cough* ME *cough*)  Just last night his preferred sleeping style was being hugged by Mommy while she lays on her side facing him.  “If she is unable to sleep like that… that is not my concern“.
  • He’s taking baths like a person.  I sit him in there.  While I pour water over his head, he simply bows his head.  He knows it’s coming… no big whoop.  I get his toothbrush and when I turn back around he has his mouth open ready for a good brushin’.  I swear he splashes a little bit only to humor me.  “The lady likes it when I act like a baby, I’ll give her an inch”.
  • “I don’t want to sit here!  AAAAHHHH! You can’t eat when I’m not!  PffftAAAAAAAAAA!  This toy blows!  GAAAAAAAARRRR!  But I don’t wanna do that!  Eh, eh, eh, *cough* EEEEHHHHHHHAAAAAA!!”  Simply scream?  Heavens no!  He’ll build it up… let you know what’s coming.  Step 1: Hold Breath.  Step 2: Make Angry Face.  Step 3: Scream.  Step 4: Screech Loudly.  If that doesn’t work go back to step… Ah, who am I kidding.  It works every time.  Sigh.
  • So if he wants something he screams?  No, not every time.  Sometimes he give me a little smile or giggles at me.  Does a really good googley eye routine.  Those work too.

He’s 10 months turning 14 years.  Next thing I know he’ll be wanting  me to buy him stuff.  Can’t wait until my first store fall-on-the-floor temper tantrum. 

I want my OWN laptop, can I pweeeeeeese????

 I want my OWN laptop, can I pweeeeeeese????

 I’ll take my little helpless baby back, thank you.

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