Corrupting and Ditching the Baby Weight. All in One Week. Ask me how.

May 5, 2009 at 2:22 pm | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), It's OK to be confused... I am, Love and all that other mushy stuff, Me myself I and me again | 4 Comments

(Also, Hugh Jackman’s ass.  But more on that later.)

I’ve been corrupting my poor son.  I dress him up; I take him shopping.  I show him off like he’s a doll.  Hubby lets him gnaw on a XBOX controller.  Secretly, I think he like shopping more.

Evan and I packed up and headed northwards to a Mom 2 Mom sale.  He spent the time hanging off of me in a “crotch dangler” (that’s what moms who don’t like Baby Bjorn’s call them) and making very successful attempts at grabbing other people’s hair / clothes on the tables / other babies in Baby Bjorn’s.  After we were done walking around I took him for a quick change in the back of the car and a bit of bottle in the front seat.  Then we did more shopping.  He was all for it.  I swear.

hardcore

The next day I snuck off and went to see a movie.  I’m a going-to-the-movies freak.  There was I time when I went to a movie almost every Saturday morning, by myself, and sitting my butt down in the middle of the third row.  This Sunday I saw Wolverine.  It was awesome because here is my inner monologue:

Ohhh… ‘sploshuns!  Awesome.

Ha ha ha.  Ryan’s so funny.  Awesome.

Bang bang!  Slice slice!  Awesome.

Hugh Jackman’s ass!  Awesome.

Is that…? Ohh!  I LOVE him!  Awesome.

Yup, it was a big ball of awesome for me, ’cause I like me some ‘sploshuns and one-liners and impossible fight scenes.  After the awesomeness I went and bought Evan’s convertible car seat.  “sniff”  He’s getting so big!  And damn that car seat’s huge too ’cause it’s box is taking up my entire living room right now.

So, I wish I could say that I when I say, ‘ditching the Baby Weight’, I was talking about seeing a movie Sunday.  I was not.  I’m leaving my pwehshus wittle boy Sunday.  For 5 ENTIRE days.  I leave ON MOTHER’S DAY.  MY FIRST MOTHER’S DAY.  AND YOU KNOW THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE I’M USING ALL CAPS!  I’ll be in Texas, learning my brain off, with tissues in my pocket and pictures of Evan taped to my binder.  I’m a terrible mother for leaving my infant for 5 days.  I know it and now you know it.  Don’t you worry, I’m leaving ketchup formula and the remote a cold teether for him… he should be fine.  (Oh!  And his daddy.  His daddy will be around too.)

(And cold teether reference?  Because he’s officially teething… 2 on the bottom.  EEEK!!!)

This thing’s gonna be 23 by the time I get back.  This is gonna be hard.  (Oh!  And his daddy.  I’m going to miss his daddy too.)

 smiles

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4 Comments »

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  1. I’m depressed I haven’t seen ‘sploshuns with Hugh Jackman’s ass yet (nom). Even though I have to pretend to hate him because Dr. Cox does and I want to be him when I grow up.

    And don’t worry… he’ll only be 16, not 23 when you return. 🙂

    • Let me clarify. I did not see ‘sploshuns coming OUT of Hugh Jackman’s ass. (Which is NOM until you add ‘sploshuns and then… no)
      Also, I love Hugh Laurie more than Jackman. Out of respect for Dr. Cox, of course.

  2. Yea, I meant AROUND his ass… not from his ass… which made me throw up a little in my mouth.

  3. […] walk.  Then 4 days later flying to Arizona and then 4 days after I get home from that flying to Florida.  On Mother’s Day.  Without mah baybee.  Again.  Something to whine about on another […]


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