Uterus: Sweet Baby Home or Painful Organ of DOOOOM!!?

February 9, 2009 at 10:04 am | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), Me myself I and me again, Putting on Baby Weight (Pregnancy) | Leave a comment

I have decisions to make.  Nothing that needs to be sorted out just now, but definitely things that will take a ton of considering… things that will change my life in the long run.  These options are in my control and for that I am thankful… but sometimes you wish that there is a simple answer… that life will tell you what’s what. 

I am a grey sort-of-girl.  I can usually see both sides of the spectrum.  I like a little bit of black and a little bit of white.  I often play devil’s advocate when my husband and I discuss a topic, sometimes even when I agree with him whole-heartedly.  Drives him batty. 

So Dear Internet, I’m going to argue with myself.  Here.  For your amusement… and advise.  Some are serious considerations, some… notsomuch.

Do we want to have another child?  Wayne and I discuss this now and then just to let each other know that it’s on our minds.  The reasons for and against this change sometimes daily.  Let’s ponder…

  • Evan was almost born too early.  When the doctor’s discovered I had HELLP Syndrome, the baby had to come out now.  He was 36 weeks along and still considered premature, but we lucked out and he didn’t require anything but an IV for a few days.  I’ve heard of HELLP Syndrome presenting as early as 22 weeks… we’d need more than luck if the baby came that early.  I would feel terribly guilty and selfish if that happened and I knew it could.  I’ve read that the chance of it occurring in another pregnancy anywhere from 17% to 70%.  Quite a range.  On the flip side there is a woman I work with that had HELLP with her first child and no problem with the second.  Plus, if I did get pregnant again, I would be with a high risk OB and very closely monitored.
  • As Wayne says, I almost died with the first one.  There is a chance of fatality with HELLP if the baby isn’t delivered right away.  I was having symptoms for about a week before it was caught.  Since I subject you… Dear Internet… to my ramblings, you may laugh at the following photo of me recovering.  This was about 24 hours after the delivery of my child.  I don’t think I could of lifted my arm to brush my hair if I wanted to.  I’m still super swollen.  That was about as open as I could get both of my eyes at the same time.  I’m yellow due to my liver pooping out on me.  And I am still hooked up to everything including that stupid, useless, second IV.  Please have mercy on me: 

Turn away

  • Wayne’s current worry is the economy.  Which I can completely understand.  His job is closely dependent on the auto industry and we all know how that’s doing.  But you know what they say, if you waited to have babies until you could afford one, you’d never have them.
  • I love spoiling Evan.  Is that bad?  Is he going to be a little jerk of a child?  Should I give him a sibling to set him straight?  You know, let him know it’s not all about him.
  • Oh how I want to buy girly pink clothes.  Oh, BOWS, Ribbons!  Frilly little dresses!!  (OK, Amber… focus)  Or use the tons of blue clothing I have for Evan again (and the stuff I didn’t even get a chance to put on him).
  • I’m medicated.  I need about two months to safely get off my meds.  Not fun.
  • I LOVED being pregnant.  I wanna be pregnant again.  If I knew it wasn’t going to happen again for sure I would be seriously depressed.  But am I going to have another wonderful pregnancy?  Doubtful.
  • I lost all of my baby weight when I had Evan.  HOWEVER… this was probably because I was in the hospital for 5 days and didn’t eat for about 3 of them.  Yum, yum… the IV diet!  I probably wouldn’t get to have the luxury of that quick fix again.  Plus, I only gained 25 pounds with Evan.  With the next one, I’ll probably gain 75.
  • Do I have some vacation time to see that high-risk doctor and be monitored closely?  Nope.
  • Ahhhh… my tummy.  It doesn’t ache (Stab!) like before.  The pregnancy took away the endometriosis for the time being.  If it came back and we decided not to get pregnant, I would have two options: deal with the pain or have a hysterectomy.  Which leads me to the next question:

When the endometriosis comes back, should I get a hysterectomy?

  • It’s such a permanent decision.  However, if Wayne and I decide not to have more children, why keep an organ or two that will just cause me pain?
  • But those are my Mommy organs they will be taking away!!  Part of me feels like some of my womanhood will be taken away!  (Well, I guess some of it would be taken away in which case I guess all of me feels that way and not just a part.)
  • Vicodin was my only savior.  That is a bad thing.  “Hummm…am I about to get addicted to this?  How many days in a row have I taken these again?  Is today the day that I should deal with the pain?”  Oh and of course feeling like a drug seeker when asking the doctor for another refill.
  • Again, to I have vacation time to get a surgery?  Ahh, still nope.
  • How long would I have to go without picking up Evan?  I can barely let him get through a nap before I start poking him.  “Evan, honey!  You’re up?  Already?  Gee, I should get you out of there.”  Which is all good because he can’t talk.  If he could he’d be sayin’, “Seriously, Mom… you poked me.”

There are more arguments.  There are always more when a big decision (or, rather my big ass) is on the table (getting either a baby or a uterus cut out).


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