Rewind: How Marriage and The Baby Weight Came to be

December 15, 2008 at 9:18 am | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), Love and all that other mushy stuff, Putting on Baby Weight (Pregnancy), Rewind | Leave a comment

The Husband and I have been together FOREVER.  OK, maybe it just feels like forever.  How about this… it’s forever when you are a chick and you are dying to get married and have babies and you have this super-procrastinating live-in boyfriend who won’t fork over a ring.  No wait.  I didn’t even need a ring!  He could have said, “Hey you, wanna get hitched?” and I would have grinned, giggled and dragged him to the nearest two-bit officiant.  You get the point.  6 years and no ring.  6 years and snide remarks once a day from random people asking when we’re going to “make it official” because as it is now it’s a fraud apparently.

So it’s April of 2007 and my world is rocked.  You see, I had been having terrible tummy pain on and off for about a dozen years.  The docs thought it much be digestive issues and I went through icky, awful tests.  (Are you my worst enemy?  I still don’t wish those tests on you.  OK, well.  Maybe.)  After so many years I gave up.  I’ll live with the pain.  Then it becomes too much.  I decided to see another doc for more tests.  She stepped away from my intestines and after CAT Scans and peeks inside my tummy, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis.  Endometrosis is the lining of your uterus living outside your uterus.  (No fair if you don’t have a uterus.)  It hurts most women… but some don’t even realize it’s there.  I realized it.  It hurt.  Big time.  I can deal with the pain… I’m superwoman after all, (not really)… What made me want to go all ostrich and stick my head in the sand was that 30-40% or all woman with Endo can’t get pregnant.  I wanted a baby so badly.  I wanted to prove that I could handle being a mother… and that I would be a good one at that.  I was jealous of all the woman out there that had a “light of their life”.  I took it as a death sentence.

So started the “treatment”.  Basically they can’t do shit for you.  When they cut into my belly they looked around for spots of Endo they could remove.  Then they put me on continuous birth control.  (basically never having a period).  None of that worked.  It’s July and I’m still in pain.  By this time I’m taking Vicodin for the pain and I was scared to death of becoming addicted.  (I don’t smoke or drink ’cause I know I would be soooo darn good at it).  The last treatment was a little drug called Lupron.  Lupron was developed for men with advanced prostate cancer.  It also puts woman in a menopausal state and that would slow the Endo.  I went and did some research… and found that the Lupron can cause personality changes.  My personality is already F’ed up.  I’m Bipolar and have to work to keep my personality in check.  I was scared to take it, but what choice did I have.  I went back to the doc and he wrote the prescription for the injections.  While I was there he ticked off my options. 

Surgery?  Check. 

BCP?  Check. 

“You getting knocked up anytime soon?  That would take care of the problem temporarily.”  Me: “I’m not even married.”  “OK, well, here’s the Luporon.”

I told Wayne on the way home that I got the prescription.  He told me to hold off on filling.  I thought, “Good, I don’t want to get this stuff right now anyway!”  Forward to later that week.  It was a Thursday.  Harry Potter was opening in theaters that day and my BFF Stephanie (you’ll be hearing a lot about her) and I were totally going.  Awesome.  Later that night I get home, jump in my PJs and Wayne wants to chat:

W: So, the doctor gave you a prescription for that medicine, huh?

A: Yup.

W: And it could mess you up in some ways, right?

A:  That’s what I read.

W: So, I don’t think you should take it.  We should just have a baby now.

A: …

A:  Ooooooo.  Kaaaaaaay.

W:  Wow.  I thought you might have been jumping up and down or something at this point.

I guess I thought maybe I heard him wrong.  You know how sometimes you just nod your head at something but don’t really hear what they’re saying and then later think… “WAIT!  What the hell did he just say!?”  When what he said registered I was scared to say anything lest I somehow fuck up whatever the hell was transpiring here.  This is the man that told me once that he wasn’t even sure we wanted to have kids.  He wouldn’t even marry me.

A:  I would want to be married first.

W:  Okay.

A:  Okay?

W:  Sure.

A:  Huh??

A:  When do you suppose we start this thing?

W:  Well we should probably do it pretty soon so you’re not in pain and it doesn’t get any worse.

So, Internet, that’s how I was proposed to after 6 years of togetherness.  But I gotta tell you:   him offering to give me a baby ’cause I wanted it, ’cause I was in pain, ’cause he loved me, was the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard of.

3 months later I had a ring.  Then on December 1st, 2007 we were married in Vegas.  No Elvis was not present… we got hitched amongst the Red Rocks about an hour north of the strip.

Wayne and Amber sittin' in a tree...

Cake UP the nose


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