BABY WEIGHT

Photo Phriday: During the best moment of my life, I was on drugs.

The photo this phriday is itty bitty.  There are only 3 things to blame: my liver and kidneys, (Kidneis?  Kidni?).  The mommy shown here, (a flippin’ photographer! edited because offending people is un-effing-cool), did not have her camera.  Daddy shown here went home to take a shower while I was waiting on test results, but didn’t think the baby would come so he didn’t bring a camera.  So, Dear Internet, our first family photo was taken with a camera phone.

After my c-section, they wheeled me straight into the nursery.  In this photo I am still on a stretcher and heavily medicated because, look… I’m smiling.  And look… I’m elevated.  I’m obviously on drugs. 

I remember Evan being all nekkid on the warmer, not screaming, just kinda lookin’ around.  They wrapped him up and went to place him in my arms.  I remember thinking, “OMFG!  Don’t give me that child!  I don’t know how to hold a newborn!  I’m gonna break it!  What are they thinking?  Wait!  The neck!  Crap, am I going to shmush him?  OMG, OMG, he’s gonna cry… don’t give him to me if he’s going to cry!   He hates me!  He doesn’t recognise me!  He’s pissed ’cause I popped him out too early!  Shit, shit, shit!”  Then they plopped him down in my arms and I didn’t break him or anything.  And he didn’t cry.  He just kinda looked at me.  While I silently apologised to him for everything I might do in his life to embarrass him/cause him psychological damage/screw him up because of my cluelessness/or fuck him up in general, I mumbled to Wayne, “Take a picture with your phone.”  Most of the nursery nurses were standing around smiling at us and a nurse offered to take a picture of all three of us.  And there you go.  I just got it out of the phone because I may know my way around a computer, but the phone thing stumps me. 

It’s pixel-y.  The color is awful.  It’s itty bitty.  But the moment… the moment was enormous.